


Oceans

by sugardevil



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Family Feels, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-02 18:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20814794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugardevil/pseuds/sugardevil
Summary: You're not good at this. You try, though.





	Oceans

You're not good at intimacy. Others being vulnerable around you is unbearable, and being vulnerable around others even more so.

There are exceptions, though.

Your fingers comb through his thick hair, pulling at it gently. You look as the curls spring back in place, rubbing circles on his back with your other hand. His hair looks blue in the moonlight, you note distantly.

The sand under you feels cool, almost pleasant. The ocean pulls up to your feet just barely, and it looks like the same dark blue making up his hair.

He cries into your arm silently, with only the occasional loud sob that he tries to muffle. It makes your stomach drop and your heart squeeze, but you let him sob and sniffle. God knows he probably needs it. You don't ask questions, but you do continue to rub tiny circles on his back.

You sit like that for a while, and only when the ocean starts to receede does he speak.

"Am I bad?" he asks in a hushed whisper, clinging to your arm almost painfully. It's said softly, and you wouldn't have heard it if you hadn't been paying attention. The question feels loaded. It isn't.

You get a good look at him, his face noticeably blotchy even in the middle of the night. His sniffles are muffled, and you know he's trying to make himself as quiet as possible. You hate it. He's usually loud when he talks, even loud when he cries.

Your heart squeezes again.

"'course not." you say, making your voice gentler. You're heart squeezes again as he starts crying harder.

"Dude, look at me." you say, and it takes a few seconds before he looks you in the eye. Whatever he sees, he doesn't like, as he suddenly lets go of your arm. He tries wiping his tears away tears.

"Sorry." he apologizes, He tries to smile, but it drops just as quickly as it came.

"Dude....", you say, unsure. You could say a million things. Garnet would say something comforting. Pearl would too. They would weave their words so he was smiling again, happy again. You, however, need practice. Just this was uncomfortable.

He came to you for a reason though, so you had to have faith in yourself. For his sake, at least. There are too many thoughts swirling in your head, and it's making your brain fuzzy. One of them is _I love you so much, please don't apologize_, but you're too much of a coward to say it. 

"C'mere." you murmur instead. He looks hesitant, but you see him crack when you put a hand on his arm. He starts to cry again, almost collapsing into you. You cup his face, and all you see is a downturned mouth and exhausted eyes. You wipe his tears with your thumb, and kiss his forehead.

Maybe past-you would have been  
embarrased. Maybe she would have just hugged him and said no more. You're not her, though, not anymore. (You try not to be, anyways. You like how you are now, more than you've ever liked yourself before. Maybe someday you can like her, but not now.)

"You're not bad, okay?" you say into his hair, ever so gently. "Never were, never will be." You start rubbing small circles again, and try not to wince as he squeezes you tightly. 

You can practically feel his mind bursting with questions and fears. You're familiar with it. You can feel the blame and the guilt, all the sadness swirling. The ocean crashes onto your feet, suddenly and loudly.

You desperately hope he doesn't listen to the screaming.

It's a long moment before you say anything again.

"Whatever you're thinking, it doesn't make you bad," is all you say. Maybe it's lame, but you give another long kiss on his forehead to let him know you mean it. You can't assume his problems, just like he promised to stop assuming yours.

"Sorry." he says again, and he sniffs. He hugs your arm again, looking small. "I-I just. I know I'm upset about it too much, b-but Mom-" his speech is cut off with a loud sob, and he lets go of your arm to cover his mouth. "Sorry." he whispers, pressing his hands against his mouth. "Sorry." he repeats. He looks ashamed.

(In moments like these, you hate Rose Quartz. You know its wrong to hate someone who's dead, but you're not filled to the brim with kindness.)

You scoot closer to him, pulling him into you. He leans onto you, but keeps apologizing, crying. "I-I'm sorry for keeping you up, I'm sorry f-for crying so much about this, I should just go to sleep and just-just not think about it, I-" he heaves, trying to push away from you weakly. He whispers and shakes so much you don't even hear the last part. "i don't know why it hurts so much. I don't know what I did, but-"

"You didn't do anything." you say aggressively, and he flinches.

"Sorry," you say more gently. "It's true though. You don't deserve anything that's happened."

You were fucking sick of seeing him suffer for things he didn't do. You wanted him to cry freely and openly like he used to, to feel safe enough to not apologize for it. You want to yell and punch everyone who hurt him, want to cry his words. You don't though, because you want to be the bigger person. You have to be.

So you swallow up your pain and anger, channeling the energy towards petting his hair while he sobs and sobs until he can't anymore. All the while, you try to offer words of comfort, and the occasional kiss to the forehead. That's all you can really do.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is. vague. it could be happening after ASPR, or CYM, or the Movie, or Whenever. Steven needs to cry tho.....just saying 
> 
> also i feel like this is ooc for amethyst but like. let her love her bro/son 
> 
> also also, please tell me if there are any mistakes! it's 3 am right now as im posting this


End file.
